Confidence in speaking doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a skill cultivated through practice, self-awareness, and the ability to shed habits that hold us back. Over the years, I’ve found that the key to becoming a confident speaker isn’t just about mastering the art of rhetoric—it’s also about unlearning behaviors that sabotage our presence and authority. Here are some habits to leave behind if you want to unlock your full potential as a speaker.
Apologizing Too Much
If you’ve ever started a presentation or even a conversation with phrases like, “Sorry, this might be boring,” or “I’m not really an expert, but…,” then you’ve already undermined your credibility before you’ve even begun. Apologizing unnecessarily signals insecurity. I used to do this all the time, especially in meetings where I felt out of my depth. But I realized that confidence comes from owning your space. Instead of apologizing for your presence, acknowledge the value you bring to the table.
Relying on Filler Words
“Um,” “like,” “you know”—these filler words are crutches that distract from your message and dilute your authority. I’m not saying you have to eliminate them entirely (after all, we’re human), but becoming conscious of how often you use them can make a world of difference. I started recording myself during practice speeches and quickly realized how much filler language cluttered my communication. When you remove those words, what remains is clarity and confidence.
Avoiding Eye Contact
Eye contact can be daunting, especially when addressing large groups or important individuals. However, avoiding eye contact creates a barrier between you and your audience, making you appear disengaged. I struggled with this for years, often looking at my notes or the floor. But after practicing with smaller groups—focusing on one person at a time—I became more comfortable engaging visually. Eye contact not only conveys confidence but also helps you connect with your listeners on a deeper level.
Overloading with Information
When I started speaking at events, I had this bad habit of trying to cram as much information into my talks as possible. I was under the impression that more information equaled more value. The truth is, people can only retain so much at once, and overloading them with facts, statistics, and jargon will just make you lose them. Simplicity is key. I’ve learned to focus on delivering a clear, concise message that my audience can digest and remember.
Talking Too Fast
Speaking too quickly is a common symptom of nervousness. I’ve been guilty of this many times, especially when I wasn’t sure of myself. The problem is, talking too fast makes it difficult for your audience to keep up, and it can project a lack of control over the material. Slowing down not only helps your listeners follow along, but it also gives you time to think and speak more deliberately. Pausing between points can create dramatic effect and give your words more weight.
Dismissing Audience Feedback
Another mistake I made early on was ignoring subtle cues from my audience—like body language, facial expressions, or the occasional glazed-over look. As speakers, we tend to focus on delivering our message exactly as we rehearsed, but being adaptable is critical to success. If your audience seems disengaged, be willing to pivot. Addressing questions or adjusting your tone in real-time can bring back their attention and show that you’re in tune with their needs.
Focusing Too Much on Perfection
Perfectionism is the enemy of progress. In the past, I was so fixated on getting everything right—memorizing every line, nailing every gesture—that I’d freeze up if something didn’t go according to plan. Confidence isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being prepared to handle the unexpected. Letting go of the need for perfection freed me to speak more authentically and naturally. Mistakes happen, and often, they provide an opportunity to connect with your audience in a more genuine way.
Negative Self-Talk
The stories we tell ourselves can make or break our confidence. Before speaking, I used to let my mind spiral into thoughts like, “What if I mess up?” or “I’m not as good as the others.” This kind of negative self-talk creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, practice reframing your inner dialogue with affirmations like, “I’m prepared for this,” or “I have valuable insights to share.” Confidence starts from within, and it’s important to build yourself up instead of tearing yourself down.
Confidence in speaking is about far more than just standing in front of a crowd and reciting words. It’s about how you carry yourself, how you connect with your audience, and how you eliminate the habits that undermine your authority. I’ve learned that becoming a confident speaker isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about peeling back the layers of self-doubt and bad habits to reveal the powerful communicator already within you.
Start with small changes. Focus on breaking one habit at a time, and soon you’ll find yourself speaking with poise, presence, and confidence. You’ll no longer feel like you have to apologize for taking up space. Instead, you’ll realize that your voice matters, and people are there to listen.
