Dealing with yourself – Disappointment, regret, overthinking and being too hard on yourself

Dealing with people, situations, and life, in general, can be a pain in the ass, but what about dealing with yourself on a regular basis. Do you lie to yourself? Or are you truthful with yourself on a regular basis? Do you hold yourself accountable like you do others when they fail you? Do you disappoint yourself on a daily basis, regretting previous events in your life? Perhaps you overthink everything after taking a few L’s, in general, this leads to us ultimately being excessively hard on ourselves, and most of the time leading to us not dealing with ourselves, kind of like avoiding the bad aunt at the family reunion! Seriously though, what are some of the factors that contribute to the aforementioned? Let’s talk.

Disappointment happens in our life whether we anticipate it or not, it happens! The Sun comes up and it goes down, this is a natural occurrence just like disappointments. Sometimes we make a plan and expect it to go accordingly, then it doesn’t so we ride the disappointment train for a while. We expect a certain level of confidence in a person; a family member or friend and they let us down by telling our business to other people! We do multiple interviews after obtaining a degree in a field we expected to grow, only to find out that we’re getting replaced by robots and AI soon! All of these scenarios have commonality, EXPECTATION! The expectation is placing your beliefs in something or someone that you cannot control, and this fuels disappointment. Be diligent in the practice of having expectations but not expecting anything in life, due to it not owing us, including people. Expecting things is a slippery slope for one to travel down, it could seriously hinder you if you develop a complex of expecting things.

When one’s expectations don’t pan out, and the disappointment settles in, after a few times of this happening it can lead to the deep shadowy depths of regret! But before we get to regret, let’s talk about something else that stems from disappointment, overthinking! After all, those missed opportunities and the seed of overthinking is implanted into your psyche, it’s a tough one to shake because you can’t trust others and now you question your own judgment, this leads you down a path that is cumbersome and totally up to you to get off of. Not trusting others is one thing, however second and triple guessing yourself will have you running in place like a hamster on a wheel, burning energy and stuck in the same spot, this will drive you mad, and this is where you start to become very hard on yourself.

“You’re an idiot!” “You’re so stupid, that’s why you didn’t get the promotion and you almost didn’t graduate school you dumbass.” “Why can’t you be more like James, he’s a lawyer, he’s got the Porsche, and the girl…but he’s good looking and tall, I’m just short, fat and dumb, I’ll never be like him.” “Oh Jill, she’s such a great person, everyone loves her. I’m stubby and my legs aren’t even symmetrical.” These are the things, or something similar we tell ourselves, or worse! I know I’ve told myself some horrible things over the years! Why would anyone want to be this hard on themselves? Some lose their minds over a test in school that stems from EXPECTATIONS! It’s a dangerous practice, expectation to regret, sometimes people don’t make it out of the pit they place themselves in, unfortunately self deletion is their solution.

The definition of Regret – to feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity. Most times, people get stuck in feeling sad and disappointed, they usually never repent, feeling remorse for themselves and correcting their missteps, they just wallow in the regret made up from the sadness, turning into a vicious cycle. This concoction creates regret, due to time passing by as they lie to themselves day-in-and-day-out about their situation. They spend countless days trying to make a decision due to lack of internal trust. How could you trust someone you talk an excessive amount of trash about! You don’t respect the person, so why would you trust them in making a decision? Why would you trust you! I told you, it’s a vicious cycle.

Accountability, I’ve stated this in previous articles, but accountability is a form of self-respect and self-love. When you are accountable for your actions you’re proving and showing yourself that you care about you. You have self-integrity by keeping your word to yourself. You expect things from what you can control, and you can control you. You don’t expect external things, because you can’t control the external environment, so you always have control over your domain, never giving power to something you can’t control. You control the amount of regret you’ll have in life by the time you reach 80. You control who you want in your life, your career, your lifestyle, you’re the captain, not fate, not your parents, not the bad business deal, or the decision to date the wrong person, you are in control of your life. You decide if you’re going to be disappointed by placing expectations on others that you know can’t live up to your expectations. Expecting something from someone is like loving them conditionally, taking away the expectations, and seeing things and people for what they are and for what the situation is.

In the end, try not to place your expectations on others. Be fair and balanced with your expectations, don’t push them or force them onto people, control your expectations. Having expectations in the workplace is good, but forcing them onto people rarely works. Having crazy expectations doesn’t work either, have a balanced and open view when practicing expectations. Remember, no one owes you anything, including life. Practice being kinder to yourself each day. Don’t dwell, but reflect on the negatives of your past and use those memories to assimilate a plan for the future. Try your utmost to minimize regrets in your lifetime, we will all have a couple in the end, but we don’t want to be surrounded by the ghosts of regret when we’re on our deathbed. Overthinking leads to more conflict internally and ultimately hinders external movement, inflicting external and internal conflicts. You have to truly believe that everything will be alright in the end, a half-glass full mentality, because truthfully, it will be. Don’t overthink things, over complicating the simplicities of life is inviting trouble to your life, it’s like you enjoy dysfunction, just don’t do it! Lastly, don’t talk to yourself like you’re shit-on-a-stick, it’s disrespectful to yourself and to those that believe in you! You probably don’t know how many people are rooting for you to win. So, try to quiet your mind and listen, you’ll be able to hear them and much more. Deal with yourself in a patient and loving manner and all will be well in the end. Lastly, expect the unexpected!

If you would like me to dig deeper into something I wrote, please don’t hesitate to contact me at jason.n.smith@hotmail.com. I always look forward to hearing from you all! As always, if I can help out by providing some advice in your life, I will try to the best of my abilities!