First impressions matter.
Imagine talking to your crush for the first time. You felt a great sense of adrenaline, but were worried sick about their response. You wanted to impress them to the point where they would want to talk to you more. When you went home that night, you thought to yourself, “Did I do that wrong? I should have said something more flirty!” In reality, your crush isn’t thinking about what you said and all you’re doing is thinking, “what if?”
Stepping out of our comfort zone is an exciting and scary process. Each action we take comes with a risk, and as entrepreneurs, we welcome risks, despite the consequences. That’s just a part of life: risk taking. This can stem from the first steps of starting a small business or in this case, reaching out. Both can evoke the same fear as the other.
On dating apps, sending the initial message is one of the most important and risky steps for meeting someone new. Afterall, the person you are speaking to does not know anything about who you are.
Sending the first message is like an elevator pitch. You must be quick; every word matters. Drafting and sending messages is daunting. However, it is also important to not overthink this step, as this can cause stress on your part.
In this article, we will explore different ideas of messages you can send on dating apps and why they are effective or not.
Who uses dating apps?
Right now, a large amount of Gen Z use dating apps. Unlike their previous generations, who met people through people, or by chance at a local store or bar, Gen Z has grown up with interest being all around them.
The most common apps people use are Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. In fact, Tinder has a dominating 50-75 million active users while Bumble and Hinge follow with 23 million and 50 million users, respectively.
With that, let’s discuss what you should and should not say on a dating app.
Ask Questions
People love talking about themselves. So, if they are on dating apps, that means they are putting themselves out there and wanting to meet new people. As such, it’s important to allow for a conversation to grow. This will give you and your match an opportunity to find out more about each other.
Firstly, try to avoid yes or no questions. This will not allow for much room to elaborate on, and the conversation can become dry very quickly.
Instead, ask open ended questions. Dating apps like the ones listed above require you to make a profile, including bios, names and photos. These are hand-picked by the user, meaning they made the decision themselves to include those specific details in their profile. With that, looking at their profile and finding a common interest will be very beneficial.
For example, you may see someone you’re attracted to standing near a famous landmark such as the Eiffel Tower or Statue of Liberty. You may have visited one of those locations, so ask them a specific question that they could relate to. Hinge is an excellent platform for this, as the user can reply to a specific photo on one’s profile.
Flirting
Complimenting your match is one of the best ways to start a conversation. If you are looking for a romantic partner, treat them as such. Say something flirty, perhaps with a little hint of amusement. “You look lovely in red” can work, however, this may seem basic.
To have a strong and flirty message, find something in their photos they seem interested in. A lot of profiles have images of animals, so you can say “I cannot tell who’s cuter, you or the dog.” It is quite cheesy, but for apps like these, people love them.
Pro tip: If your message is something you can also say to your friend, then you may want to reconsider sending it. You want to show romantic interest, not friendzone them.
Using short lines will allow your match to respond with something back. If they say a flirty line to you, then you know they are interested. They may just say “thanks” and if that is the case, don’t try to push yourself on them. Find another thing on their profile to comment on. If they still seem to be unreceptive or uninterested, give it time. If they aren’t open to your flirty lines, then it may be time to move on.
Be Yourself
Be genuine with your first message. While falsely relating to someone else online can temporarily gain their attention, your match can inquire more on your false interest. If that’s the case, you will be forced to continue a lie and putting in that effort is not worth it. So just be honest. It will take you a long way.
It is good to be bold and confident, but don’t let that get the better of you. You must make them feel comfortable with you before you make any big moves. If you directly ask them out for your first message, more often than not, your match might not even respond to it.
Think of it like this, if you needed some investors for your company, you wouldn’t start off with “I want your money.” You need to gain their trust and support. Opening messages is no different. It’s good to be direct, but timing matters.
Efficiency
It’s also crucial to be efficient but effective with your messages. More times than not, sending a message with a few words can have a much stronger impact than an entire paragraph. The reason is: it’s quick and digestible.
If your match opens their app to see a notification with layers of sentences, they may get either overstimulated or bored and not even read it. You don’t want to appear desperate.
Pro tip: never double text! Be patient with their reply. Sometimes, your match may be away from their phone, so it’s important to give them time to respond naturally.
Use Humor
Using jokes is perfect for a light-hearted message. Most people like humor, so saying something funny and perhaps even flirty can take you a long way.
Dad jokes are super cheesy and lighthearted and will make people crack a smile. An example of a dad joke could be:
Q. Why did the bike fall over?
A. It was two-tired.
Q. Why are elevator jokes so good?
A. They work on many levels.
These jokes are very simple and goofy. Showing to your match that you have a sense of humor can allow for them to feel more comfortable to open up to you. If they say they enjoy your jokes or found it funny, you can say another one too.
Pick-Up Lines
Additionally, if you see something notable on their profile, you can message them a joke based on it. An example of this could be a silly pick-up line. This will demonstrate that you are not only observant in their profile but are also creative about expressing your thoughts.
It’s critical not to let dating apps get to your head. While your first message is important, overthinking it can cause unnecessary distress. The truth is, there are so many people out there, and no matter what you say, some might not be interested, and that’s okay.
In conclusion, being creative with your first message will make you stand out, and being honest will make you feel confident. With practice, you will learn how to write impressive openers and can even apply these skills to the real world.
