Contrary to the dreamy, happily-ever-after notion usually associated with it, marriage is not always a luscious bed of roses. Let’s face it: every marriage goes through a rough patch at one point or the other. In fact, according to the Gottman Institute, regrettable incidents like fights, arguments, and primarily negative interactions will happen in all relationships.
These negative incidents, however, do not have to mean the end of your marriage. Sometimes, reaching out for help from a trusted counselor or therapist could mean the difference between a marriage that dissolves or one that rebounds from challenges stronger and better. Read on to find out five telltale signs that indicate it’s time to get help in your marriage.
- Loss of Connection: If you or your partner no longer seem to be able to connect deeply and emotionally, it’s time to get help. Disconnection from your spouse often manifests as seeing your partner as a separate entity from yourself and even wishing they were no longer in your life. You stop talking with each other, doing things together, and live single, independent lives despite being married. It also has a spillover effect on your sex life. This is because intimacy, both emotional and physical, is the cornerstone of any healthy sexual relationship. If you’ve become generally nonchalant about your partner’s well-being and affairs, speak to somebody immediately.
- No Talks, Just Fights: Can’t remember when you and your partner last held a decent conversation? One that didn’t lead to arguments, yelling, and fighting? That’s a sign that you may need to enlist additional help and support for improving how you communicate with your partner. Healthy communication is essential to the survival of every relationship, marriage inclusive. If every attempt to talk or communicate with your significant other leaves tensions and emotions flying everywhere and leads to the use of hurtful and abusive words or heated arguments, it’s a red flag that you both need support.
- Lack of Sexual Intimacy: Another way to tell that it’s time to work on your marriage is when you or your partner lose sexual attraction towards each other. In other words, you can’t seem to get intimate with each other in a way that is both pleasurable and mutually satisfying.
This is often a big deal for men and can be a deal breaker when a man is deciding whether to stay in a marriage or not. Luckily, counseling for men has proven to be beneficial in this regard. With prompt intervention, you and your partner can work at reigniting the passion in your marriage.
- Physical or Psychological Violence and Harm: Any form of physical violence or emotional abuse is an enormous signal that something needs to change, critically. Reach out for help immediately if you find yourself in an unsafe environment with your partner. According to Marriage.com, violence usually starts with unhealthy relationship patterns that often go unnoticed or unrecognized. This can be dangerous and even fatal in a marriage where one partner inflicts some form of physical injury on the other. You shouldn’t wait until things degenerate to that point before getting help.
- Infidelity: If you or your partner have been cheating on each other, counseling or therapy can help you both identify why one or both of you are looking outside of your marriage for physical or emotional fulfillment. Finding solace in the arms of someone else when you and your partner are facing marital problems only creates bigger problems. Instead, infidelity will drive a deeper wedge into an already strained marriage, leading to a slippery road full of potential heartbreak and resentment. To prevent this from happening, make sure to get help from a trusted marriage therapist.
How Therapy Can Help Your Marriage
Still not sure if getting external support will be efficacious for your marriage? Here are three benefits of therapy to consider as you make a decision.
- A licensed Marriage and Family Therapist can help you determine the root cause of your marital challenges. Their professional training – and unbiased perspective – can help them sift through the chaos and pinpoint the reason for your marital challenges.
- During therapy, you will be offered tools and strategies to help you communicate with your partner more honestly, compassionately, and empathetically. This will help you avoid misunderstandings and strengthen the emotional connection in your marriage.
- Finally, a therapist can help you identify if something truly isn’t working in your relationship anymore. In situations like that – where it is evident to all parties involved that separation is the best recourse, therapy helps you determine a course of action that allows for a more productive and less damaging separation.
Every marriage goes through hard times. What separates those who have the “happily-ever-after” experience from those who don’t is their willingness to put in the work and do what it takes to get their marriage back on track. Sometimes, that could mean reaching out and getting help from a therapist. By recognizing the signs above on time and getting the right support, your marriage can blossom again.
